


Materia Mishaps Procedure

by Sinnatious



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Bodyswap, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Gift Fic, Misuse of Materia (Compilation of FFVII)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25065844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinnatious/pseuds/Sinnatious
Summary: Cloud wakes up in Sephiroth's body. There's a procedure for this.
Relationships: Cissnei & Kunsel (Compilation of FFVII), Sephiroth & Cloud Strife
Comments: 17
Kudos: 312





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Uploading another old giftfic I'd forgotten about since it came up in conversation with a fandom friend. The prompt was bodyswap.

This was a disaster. This was a catastrophe.  
  
This was… a dream come true.  
  
Cloud stared dumbly at the mirror in front of him.  
  
Sephiroth stared back.  
  
There were protocols for this. Well, not specifically ‘in the event you’ve exchanged bodies with ShinRa’s most famous First Class SOLDIER’, but procedures for dealing with materia mishaps. Transform materia accidents were surprisingly common, after all, as were issues with Exit or Command materia. Procedure dictated that he inform his commanding officer immediately.  
  
However even as he turned to leave the apartment – and what a _luxurious_ apartment it was, the private ensuite was bigger than his entire _room_ – he couldn’t help but be captivated by the innate _grace_ of his movement. Masamune, a sword he would struggle to _lift_ in his own body felt as light as a fencing foil. Incredible strength lay coiled in his every muscle, his eyesight and hearing sharper than he’d ever imagined possible.  
  
It wouldn’t hurt, would it? If he just put off procedure for a couple of hours. Long enough for a session in the training room, just to _experience_ it…  
  
After all, it wasn’t as though he would be missing anything _important_ , only the standard morning PT and guard duty, both of which he could afford to skip if he just called in sick…  
  
Wait.  
  
If he was _here_ … then Sephiroth would, logically, be in _his_ body.  
  
In his dorm.  
  
With free access to his personal effects. Like his PHS. And his scrapbook.  
  
Change of plan. He needed to report this _immediately_.  
  


* * *

  
  
  
The instant Sephiroth opened his eyes, he knew something was extremely wrong.  
  
His vision was blurred, his hearing dull and muted. His body felt inexplicably _heavy_ , as though in the grips of a Graviga, and his muscles ached faintly as though bruised, but moments passed and the ache failed to fade.  
  
Some distant, strangely sluggish part of him catalogued the sensation and could compare it only to one of the tests Hojo had once performed to discover the limits of his endurance – a fortnight of constant physical activity without rest or sustenance.  
  
 _Tiredness._  
  
How infuriating. Especially as he could not recall what he might have done to induce such a state.  
  
Despite this, he was more than awake enough to register that this was not his apartment. The lodgings were, at least, immediately identifiable as ShinRa – there was a trooper’s helmet on the wardrobe, and the bedding was unmistakeably ShinRa-issue as well. Company quarters. Security Division, if the pieces of uniform scattered across the room were any indication.  
  
He pushed himself up, and the sense of _wrongness_ only sharpened. It wasn’t until he left the bed and stood up that he realised the problem.  
  
He was far too short.  
  
This wasn’t his body.  
  
…Which explained a great deal. Materia mishap, almost certainly. It had never happened to Sephiroth personally, but he’d dealt with more than enough cases within the ranks of SOLDIER.  
  
The first order of business was to inform someone, preferably someone of rank who would be able to escalate the issue in order to requisition the resources necessary to fix the problem and cover his duties until it was resolved. To this end, Sephiroth proceeded to get dressed with the available clothing. His hands were astonishingly small and delicate, and he lost several minutes readjusting his perceptions, unused to the amount of force needed for simple tasks, and lacking the dexterity and response he was accustomed to. This body was clearly young, most likely a freshly-recruited trooper barely out of training.  
  
Once properly attired, a surface inspection of the bedside table yielded an ID card – Cloud Strife. His clearance was depressingly low – this card wouldn’t take him to the SOLDIER or Executive Floors. He would need to enlist the aid of one of the officers in the Security Division, then.  
  
He stepped into the hall into a stampede of troopers.  
  
“Cloud!” One of the crowd grabbed him by the arm, hauling him along. “What the hell are you doing just standing there? Hurry up, or they’ll make us _all_ do extra laps.”  
  
Sephiroth tried to pull his arm free, and to his consternation, only succeeded in getting jostled and elbowed by the other troopers swarming around them. “Trooper, I need to go report to the-”  
  
His protests were drowned out in the surrounding chatter, and like a leaf on a river, Sephiroth found himself carried along into of the training gyms. His irritation sharpened, but was quickly soothed as they entered the cavernous space and caught sight of the red-scarfed officer barking out orders to the rest of the crowd. _Finally_.  
  
Sephiroth broke through the ranks, approaching the apparently senior officer. A Security Division Commander, by the looks of it. Capable enough of dealing with the issue. “I have a report to make.”  
  
He glanced over. “Strife? What the hell are you doing? Get back in line.”  
  
Annoyance surged again, but Sephiroth reined the response in – after all, he wasn’t wearing his normal visage, the mistake was excusable. “I am not actually Cloud Strife. I-”  
  
“Very funny, Strife,” the Commander cut him off. “I don’t have time for pranks today.”  
  
“If you will allow me to _finish-_ ”  
  
“You giving me attitude now, Strife? Didn’t think you had it in you!” The Commander loomed over him, and Sephiroth was acutely reminded of precisely how small and… _ineffectual_ his current form was.  
  
Was this what it felt like to be normal?  
  
It was a thought experiment he’d entertained often, not quite a fantasy so much as curiosity. His imagination, apparently, was left wanting. While his anonymity and lack of physical prowess was… novel… it was not, he was swiftly discovering, comparatively _pleasant_.  
  
“I am _attempting_ to follow procedure,” he retorted shortly.  
  
“The only damn procedure you need to be following here is to get out of my face and _get back into formation_!” the Commander thundered.  
  
This was ridiculous. He wasn’t even given leave to speak. Ludicrous. What if this were a true emergency? “I will have you _demoted_ , Commander,” Sephiroth declared icily.  
  
“And if you don’t shut up and follow orders, I’ll have you written up and _kicked out_! Now for the last time, get back in line, and you can do an extra ten laps for goofing around!”  
  
In this body, he did not possess the means, nor apparently the authority, to put his inferior in his place.  
  
Sephiroth was left with no choice but to follow along for the moment. To shuffle back into formation, and perform morning physical training in this puny, ineffectual _, weak_ body.  
  
This was a nightmare.  
  


* * *

  
  
  
It was really, really weird the way people just… parted for him. And how short everyone was. They all seemed so… fragile.  
  
It was kind of freaking Cloud out.  
  
Not that it wasn’t sort of cool… to begin with. But he was trying to find someone he could actually make a report to and it hadn’t exactly gone well. Most of the people he’d approached for directions had been so flustered he found himself backing off again almost immediately.  
  
Which left him in a bit of a quandary. He needed to find a superior to report this to, but he didn’t know where the Director of SOLDIER’s office was – had never actually _been_ on the SOLDIER floor before, for that matter. He’d simply resorted to systematically walking through the building looking for a likely door to walk through. If SOLDIER were anything like the Security Division, there would be names and titles on offices.  
  
Luckily, he didn’t have to go that far, because that was when he saw a familiar head of spiky black hair.  
  
“Zack!” Cloud blurted.  
  
Zack pulled to a stop, a puzzled expression on his face. “Um, everything okay there sir? Not that I’m glad, but I don’t think you’ve ever been that happy to see me.”  
  
“It’s me. Cloud!”  
  
Zack stared at him for what felt like several eternities. “…Um, what?”  
  
“Cloud! I woke up like this! I’m not actually Sephiroth!”  
  
“Are you alright, sir? I didn’t even think you knew Cloud.”  
  
“Zack! Listen to me carefully. I am Cloud Strife, and I am stuck inside Sephiroth’s body.”  
  
“You’re… oh! _Oh_! A materia mishap?”  
  
Cloud’s shoulders slumped with relief as he nodded.  
  
Zack burst into laughter. “ _Seriously_? Oh, this is too good. How did it even happen?”  
  
“I have no idea. I’ve been trying to find someone to report it to, but…” He spread his hands helplessly.  
  
“Right, right. Although… wait, Cloud, you guys weren’t, um, you know…”  
  
“Weren’t what?” Cloud asked, puzzled.  
  
Zack coughed, pointedly. “You know. Um, together?”  
  
Bewildered, Cloud explained, “I’ve never actually met Sephiroth in person, Zack. I’m just a trooper.”  
  
Zack shook his head with a grin. “I guess I should be relieved you don’t get it.” He rubbed his hands together. “Okay then! First things first, we gotta go find Sephiroth! He’s probably in your body, right? Heck, even if he isn’t we’d better check that your body is okay.” Without waiting for a reply, Zack was hoofing it towards the elevators, leaving Cloud no choice but to follow or be left behind.  
  
A quick check of his room showed it was both empty and his ID card had gone missing. To Cloud’s great relief, that seemed to be all that had changed – his drawers were untouched, and the box under the bed unmoved. “Where do you think he went?” Zack mused. “Nobody has come looking for you yet, after all. I mean, looking for Sephiroth… you know what I mean.”  
  
“Maybe he’s at PT?” Cloud ventured. “I have it at this time every morning, usually.” Why Sephiroth would bother going to PT was beyond him, but it was all he could think of.  
  
“Worth a shot.”  
  
It turned out to be a very accurate shot.  
  
Cloud stared.  
  
Seeing himself, from _this_ perspective… weird didn’t even begin to cover it.  
  
On the other side of the gym, he was looking at himself. Jogging. For a while now, by the looks of things.  
  
Cloud couldn’t help but cringe. Was that what he looked like during PT? Face flushed, feet dragging, so _obviously_ lagging behind? Odin, was he really that pathetic?  
  
And worse, now _Sephiroth_ knew it too.  
  
A sudden call from nearby shattered his concentration. “General Sephiroth! How can we help you today?”  
  
It was his usual squad Commander. Cloud was halfway into a salute when Zack snatched his hand and pulled it back down.  
  
“Hey there! We’re just hoping we could borrow Cloud. SOLDIER business,” Zack replied with an easy grin.  
  
“Strife?” His commander frowned. “Has he been causing trouble?”  
  
“No trouble,” Zack promised. “We actually need his help.”  
  
“If you say so,” the Commander grumbled. “Strife! Get your ass over here!”  
  
Sephiroth was already heading over – at a fast walk, instead of a run. His face was flushed, but his eyes could have burned through steel. Cloud didn’t even know his face could _make_ that expression.  
  
“Sir,” Cloud greeted nervously. He’d always wanted to meet Sephiroth, but never envisioned it quite like this.  
  
His squad commander looked confused. “General?”  
  
Cloud gestured towards himself… or rather, towards Sephiroth in his body. Odin, that was confusing. “Actually, sir, _he’s_ General Sephiroth.”  
  
“Materia mishap,” Sephiroth said in a cold voice, sweeping past. “Zack, Strife, with me.”  
  
From the corner of his eyes, he saw his commander suddenly go chalk-white. Huh. He wondered what that was about.  
  


* * *

  
  
This was the most entertaining thing to happen to Zack in _years_. And given the kind of hijinks that went on in SOLDIER, that was a super tall bar to clear.  
  
“You know, Cloud, turns out you can look pretty damn scary when you’re trying!” Zack remarked cheerfully, and then poked Sephiroth too. “And sir, you can _smile_! You should have seen Cloud on our way to pick you up, smiling all politely at people in the elevator. I thought they were either gonna faint or propose, honestly. The accent probably doesn’t help, either. Shiva, Cloud, your accent with Sephiroth’s voice is like sylkis greens to the-”  
  
Sephiroth crossed his arms, but of course he was in Cloud’s body, so he looked more petulant than intimidating. “Enough, Zack. This needs a solution. I am unwilling to wait however long it may take for this phenomenon to wear off naturally. We should head to the Materia Department immediately.”  
  
“Are we even sure it’s related to materia though, sir? I mean, have either of you _used_ any materia recently?”  
  
“I don’t have access outside of training,” Cloud replied with a shrug, and Zack had to bite down his laughter on the sight of _Sephiroth_ _shrugging_. Why the hell wasn’t he recording this? He was going to have to beg Cissnei to get him the security tapes later.  
  
“I do have access, but neither used nor encountered any yesterday without my knowledge. Most likely a catalyst, then. Perhaps someone or something we both came into contact with yesterday with suspect materia equipped,” Sephiroth mused. “ Although seeing as I did not leave the executive or SOLDIER floors and Strife does not have access to either, that possibility is also remote.”  
  
Zack scratched his head. Sephiroth had a point. Like Cloud had said earlier, they hadn’t even _met_ before.  
  
“What about Zack?” Cloud asked. In Sephiroth’s voice, so it sounded a lot more intimidating than normal.  
  
“Wait, what?” Zack put his hands up defensively. “Hey, no, you’re _not_ blaming this one on me.”  
  
“Strife has a point,” Sephiroth remarked. “You _are_ the only point of contact we could possibly share. And we did cross ways yesterday evening.”  
  
“And I saw you yesterday afternoon,” Cloud added.  
  
 _Oh shit_. Zack rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. It couldn’t possibly have been…  
  
“Out with it, Zack,” Sephiroth ordered.  
  
Damn, he hadn’t been kidding, Sephiroth was scary no matter _whose_ face he wore. “There was maybe, kinda, this new materia I was testing out for the department… But I didn’t cast it on either of you, I promise!”  
  
“Show us. Now.” Sephiroth had folded his arms again, foot tapping.  
  
Zack dug around in his pocket, revealing the offending materia. It glowed a dull yellow in his palm. “I haven’t used it! I don’t even think it works? I tried to activate yesterday afternoon when I first got it, but it didn’t do anything! I tried again last night right before I went to sleep, and nothing happened then, either. I was alone both times, too.”  
  
Sephiroth snatched it up, inspecting it critically. “Command-type. Similar to W-Item, I suspect. After initial activation, it doesn’t take effect until other conditions are fulfilled. In this case, most likely touch. Myself and Strife, consecutively?”  
  
“Uhhhh, yeah, actually. I ran into you right after I left Cloud.” Sephiroth could infer all that just from _looking_ at the damn thing? He really was a genius. “Wait! So if I do it again…”  
  
Sephiroth nodded. “Now, if you please.”  
  
Zack grinned. “Not enjoying your time in the Security Forces, Sephiroth?”  
  
“Not particularly, no.”  
  
“Sorry sir,” Cloud apologised glumly. “I tried to find you as fast as I could. I didn’t think they’d make you run through PT.”  
  
“It is hardly your fault, Strife. In fact, that you persevere in such conditions is… admirable,” Sephiroth admitted with a frown. “I will perhaps have to re-evaluate my expectations of troop performances accordingly.”  
  
Silver lining there. Sephiroth had a bit of a reputation of running the regular forces ragged on missions.  
  
Cloud still looked somewhat downtrodden at the prospect, though. Zack elbowed him. “Hey, cheer up, buddy. I’m sure you’ll make SOLDIER yourself soon enough. Consider this work experience!”  
  
“It wasn’t even three hours, Zack,” Cloud retorted wryly, then sighed. “I’m ready.”  
  
“Right. Here I go!” Zack activated the materia. Just like before, nothing happened, although maybe it was glowing a little brighter than before? He touched Sephiroth’s arm, then Cloud’s – or was it the other way around? – waited a moment, and then cast the spell again.  
  
It was sort of an anti-climax. No big flash of light or anything. They both blinked, looked briefly disoriented, and then stared at each other for an uncomfortably long period of time. “Uh, guys?”  
  
“It appears to have worked,” Sephiroth responded, or at least he assumed it was Sephiroth back in his own body, because taciturn as Cloud could be sometimes, he was _never_ that formal.  
  
“Cloud?” Zack prodded.  
  
“Uh, yeah. Everything’s back to normal here.”  
  
“This is fortunate. We won’t be required to enlist the aid of the Materia Department after all,” Sephiroth said in satisfaction, inspecting his hand, curling the fingers as though to test them. “Provided, of course, that you haven’t been carelessly walking around with that materia active this morning as well.”  
  
Zack paused. “….Aw, hell.”  
  
“Zack?” Cloud asked.  
  
Sephiroth fixed him with a laser stare. “ _Who_?”  
  
He turned to them with a nervous smile. “…Kunsel and Cissnei.”


	2. Chapter 2

Kunsel blinked, and found himself standing on the roof as the elevator dinged in front of him.  
  
Wind whipped through his hair. He wasn’t wearing his helmet. That was his second warning something was wrong.  
  
He glanced down. Suit. Executive? But there was a sidearm on his hip. Turk then. And… Well, would you look at that. Breasts. Score.  
  
The elevator opened. He stepped inside, catching a quick glance of his reflection in the polished metal of the doors. Cissnei, was it? Zack’s Turk friend.  
  
He checked his pockets for a pass card to activate the elevator. Cissnei’s face stretched into an uncharacteristically wide smile when he found it.  
  
Senior Turk Level Security Clearance?  
  
Materia mishaps hadn’t ever been this nice to him before.  
  


* * *

  
  
Cissnei blinked, and found herself in what appeared to the Equipment Room of the SOLDIER floor.  
  
Not a big deal, really. Except she was quite certain that she’d been waiting for the elevator on the roof two seconds ago. And hadn’t intended to venture anywhere _near_ the SOLDIER floor today.  
  
Her hand dropped to her side, reaching for the reassurance of a weapon… and found a pouch of mastered materia instead.  
  
That wasn’t right.  
  
And why was she wearing a helmet?  
  
Hands – not _her_ hands, too large, and the callouses were all in the wrong places, broadsword instead of guns and shuriken – ran carefully over her body.  
  
No breasts. And – that, now that she was paying attention, was definitely a penis. And balls.  
  
 _His_ body then.  
  
Materia mishap? She’d certainly dealt with the fallout of enough of them, though the Turks themselves were mostly spared the experience – _that_ particular misfortunate usually fell to the Materia Department, or SOLDIERs who were the most frequent materia users, or troopers from the Security Department who had the misfortune of being around said SOLDIERs.  
  
Although this was clearly a SOLDIER uniform, so that ruled out a gender swap. Body swap then. With a Second Class, at least. Zack? But then she was wearing a helmet, and she’d never seen Zack wear a helmet, so…  
  
She needed a mirror. She cast about, leaving the Equipment room. There would be a bathroom somewhere on the floor…  
  
Bingo. And empty. Perfect.  
  
She ignored the line of urinals and headed straight for the sink and mirror. She slipped the helmet off her head and…  
  
Had no idea who she was looking at.  
  
Brown hair. The typical glowing eyes, a shade more teal than blue, suggesting they’d been closer to green to begin with. No identifying scars or other marks.  
  
It couldn’t be helped. Not all SOLDIERs were as notorious as Zack. Career SOLDIER perhaps, one who’d made it to Second Class after a lengthy stint in Third but didn’t have the talent to go further. She fished in his pockets, searching for some sort of ID. He had to have a pass card at least… there. SOLDIER Second Class Kunsel.  
  
The name sounded vaguely familiar, maybe from a mission log, or mentioned in passing conversation.  
  
Interesting, but low-priority. First order of business was to inform Tseng and get someone to cover her duties, and then find out where exactly Kunsel – presumably in _her_ body, and there would be _blood_ if he’d treated it with anything less than the utmost respect – was. With that in mind, loitering in the SOLDIER lounge or Equipment room would likely be the best option. She’d been in transit, whereas Kunsel would know to look for _her_ on the SOLDIER floor.  
  
Probably best she avoided moving around then. Surely he had a PHS… her (his) fingers landed a familiar block of plastic. She let out of a huff of annoyance when she activated it. Another customised model – why couldn’t he have just stuck with the standard menus…  
  
Cissnei paused when she accidentally clicked on the message folder. There were…. _hundreds_. Just in the past week. Who had _time_ for that?  
  
That wasn’t what caught her eye though. It was the subject headings.  
  
With greater and greater urgency, she scrolled through message after message. Extra-marital affairs in the Space Program? Scarlett awarding contracts due to a weakness for pretty boy vendors? Associate Secretary Lazard’s upcoming promotion because of *wink wink* _family relations_? The Security Department assisting in a cover up because one of their senior officers had been drunk on the scene and lost classified documents?  
  
It might have all been couched in lurid gossip, but it didn’t change the facts behind the juicy scandals. _She_ didn’t know about half of this, and she was a Turk!  
  
Cissnei completely forgot about notifying Tseng and bolted for the elevator.  
  


* * *

  
  
With only a Second Class’s security clearance, it took far, far too long for Cissnei to make it to the Department of Administrative Research. And then she’d had to avoid the other Turks, because there wasn’t _time_ to explain why a SOLDIER Second Class was on the floor. The only saving grace was that she could use her key code to override the entrance to her office without needing her pass card.  
  
It had only been a hunch, but she hadn’t _actually_ suspected to find her counterpart sitting at her desk, drinking coffee and using her computer.  
  
Kunsel – wearing her face, and did she ever grin like that? – glanced over, and _completely nonchalantly_ , said, “Hey. Took you long enough.”  
  
She stormed over, and felt a lot more threatening doing it in a SOLDIER’s body than normal. “Procedure is you notify a commanding officer of a materia mishap _immediately_.”  
  
Kunsel shrugged. “I did try, but the General was acting sort of strange. His secretary kept muttering about him _smiling_ at her. Do you think he’s finally cracked?”  
  
As though summoned by the words, that was when Sephiroth dragged Zack in.  
  
“Cissnei, Kunsel, hi!” he yelped. “Um, I can explain-!”  
  


* * *

  
  
Once they had been properly restored to their bodies, and Zack thoroughly chastised, Cissnei gave Kunsel ten minutes before tracking him down to finish their aborted conversation.  
  
She didn’t have to go far. He was leaning on the wall by the Equipment Room entrance on the SOLDIER floor, idly scrolling through his PHS. “Cissnei,” he greeted. “Fancy seeing you again so soon.”  
  
“You’re not naïve enough to think I would let you go, are you?” she asked. The contents of his PHS had caught her off guard, but Cissnei was a professional.  
  
“I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”  
  
“The Turks don’t look kindly on security leaks,” she said pleasantly, and knew her opponent would hear the threat in her words as clearly as a brandished knife.  
  
In response, Kunsel just grinned and asked, “Does Zack know who founded his fanclub?”  
  
Cissnei froze. “…You wouldn’t.”  
  
Kunsel’s growing smile suggested that he would, in fact, _enjoy it_.  
  
It was a shame they’d missed recruiting him to the Turks.

It was _terrifying_ that he’d _been_ missed.  
  
“Maybe,” she conceded, “We can come to some sort of agreement.”


End file.
